Deirdre Geraghty

I have treated myself to a load of different badges including the female symbol followed up by a reproduction of an old suffragette ‘votes for women’ badge, a colourful bumblebee, a sunflower. Also a pooh bear, a ‘no planet b’ badge, a ‘mental health matters’ badge and a ‘love is all you need’ badge which haven’t arrived yet.

I had a horrible disturbing dream in the early hours about not being able to get my son back after l got out of hospital. Apparently strong magnets were put in our shoes to stop us being drawn together. Really mad but upsetting when I woke.

I have only just woken up and the first of my visitors has already arrived. Think it’s going to be one of those days.

Part of me knows that I am really tired but the rest of me just won’t go to sleep. It’s really frustrating but nothing l can do about it apart from hoping l manage to get some sleep tonight.

I have been a little low recently probably because I have not been too well. But this morning I have been catching up with my chores and should feel much better when I have accomplished that. Little things please little minds!!… haha

I watch most of the soaps on television and they often portray different storylines with important content on many different issues. Recently Emmerdale have been covering domestic abuse and coercive control in a storyline which has made quite an impression on me.

People might wonder why I am still dwelling in the past. Mostly I don’t but I do still have flashbacks and strong memories of what went before. An absolute nightmare that I don’t think I will ever get over. Perhaps I need more counselling!!…

I was thinking yesterday that time and again I was told “pull yourself together “ “there’s no mental illness in our family “ “what are you doing in a place like this “. “sort yourself out, we can’t help with your son anymore “ and “if you put your mind to it you could stop doing that “ when l was shuffling from one foot to the other or rocking back and forth “you could stop doing that if you put your mind to it”. I have ended up feeling very sensitive about it.

I haven’t been up long… l was too tired to get up this morning. Not feeling that great.

It looks like the programme ‘Politics Live’ which is on most days is back from its summer holiday on BBC2 at 12.15 today. I would probably feel more elated if I didn’t feel a bit poorly still. Woke up in the early hours with ear ache which I never have. Seems to have eased off now.