Deirdre Geraghty

Everything seems to have cost much more this year which I have been putting down to my takeaways which have become a part of my life like a lot of people in the Cities. But there again Xmas is an expensive time of year including the postage to send greetings to my friends and family here and abroad. Although I am not a Christian I do love this time of year.

I have gone back to watching the BBC as my main News channel after a long time away although I have been watching ‘The Context’ which is a nice end to the day. I am finding it very refreshing this morning after the right wing slant on the other channel.

I have been unable to get hold of meal replacement bars for the past month or so and have gone back to the milkshake meal replacements for two meals a day for three days a week. But, to my delight, I have discovered a new place to get them that will deliver. Brilliant! I will be able to get back to having one for breakfast three days a week.

I woke up late and I was dreaming about money and in a panic which is a horrible way to wake up. I have now had a late breakfast and the panic is starting to ease but there’s something horrible about waking up in a panic that lasts with you throughout the day even after rationalising it and taking oneself in hand.

I had an appointment (which my son and partner took me to) at the Ear, Nose and Throat Department at the hospital. During the consultation a camera was inserted through my nose into my throat and I am very relieved to be told no signs of cancer. My acid reflux is burning my throat which is already dry from the antipsychotics and then I am using an inhaler which irritates it. My goodness! So we are putting a plan in place which hopefully should help.

My brain doesn’t function properly yet this morning. I hadn’t realised how much one’s mind can be affected by upcoming events. Interesting subject to be thinking about.

I have found it really difficult to sleep this night. Firstly because of things that have been said which have upset me and then because I have found two lumps in my neck where I have been having problems. I have probably imagined it, made it up, been mistaken. After all I have huge chunks of my memory missing so shouldn’t be trusted – again!

Deird the Weird they called me sixty years ago because I liked brown bread and rice for my dinner and didn’t find male ballet dancers in leotard and tights obscene. And so my life has been a battle ever since. My friends tell me that they love me just the way I am, which is such a contrast, so it’s not all been bad but I am weary now. I am due for a camera down my throat to look for cancer very soon so it’s a worry but if there’s anything sinister going on then, no doubt, that will be my fault too which, as an ex-smoker, will at least be true.

Why do so many female presenters on television, on serious programmes even, wear painful high heel shoes with no care that they are a bad example to our youngsters. There are thousands and thousands of women with deformed feet from wearing them which they did to please men. It should be a scandal. As one of my friends with deformed feet said yesterday “if only I had realised what I was doing “. And the very name ‘bunions’ is something that people make jokes about. And if I am being unkind and intolerant for saying it (time and time again) then so be it. It’s time someone did something about it. And if your excuse is what you are wearing then wear something else. There’s lots of different, even sexy, flat shoes about. And nowadays l am not the only female in the room in trousers and flat shoes. My feet don’t hurt.

My parents both died in November, my Mum near the beginning of the month and my Dad at the end. Both quite a few years ago now. They are both contemplative days each year.